Well, ya’ll, I’m in State X. I’m tired. I miss McRuger and Cadet horribly. But, I’m glad I came here.
I got to spend several hours with MsV yesterday, and while horribly awkward at times, I came away with positive feelings. I got to meet some of MsV’s family and her children. Everyone was welcoming and very supportive of MsV and her decision.
The high point was visiting the doctor with MsV…the whole point of this trip. MsV was very clear when she invited me here…she wanted me at that appointment. The entire appointment took about 2 hours and included a sonogram and meetings with both the OB and the Nurse Practitioner.
First of all, we now know the gender of the baby. MsV had originally not wanted to know the gender when we first started the match process. So, she asked me if I wanted to know, and I left the choice up to her. After a few moments of thinking, she gave the nurse permission to tell us. I’m going to keep you in suspense a little while longer for that one.
The baby is healthy, measuring right on schedule, and looks to be on the bigger side (all MsV’s babies have been bigger). MsV is healthy as well. All the tests have come back normal and her blood pressure is low. The baby is in the “head down” position and is measuring at 36 weeks/5days.
The best part was just getting to spend time with MsV and starting a relationship with her. As with MsJ, if this adoption goes forward, I want to be able to have the start of a life-long friendship with her.
MsV is quiet, down-to-earth, practical, and honest. She told me why she’s choosing adoption and why she chose us. She doesn’t quite know what she wants an “open adoption” to look like yet, but she’s open to it (she wasn’t before).
After the doctor’s appointment, I took her to lunch. We got to talk a lot, and laugh about, our kids. She’s a great mom to her children. From what I saw and heard, she’s really doing her best by them. I told her that she could raise this little one too, but she just shook her head and smiled. She told me that she knew very early on that she would choose adoption, and she feels secure in her choice.
Driving MsV to her sister’s house, she gave me a little tour of the area. She’s always lived in this town, never been out of it. She wants to travel, wants to see the world, but doesn’t know how she can. MsV told me how important it was to her that her child see everything this world has to offer. She wants him/her to have broad horizons.
As we drove, we spoke about parenting philosophies. She and I are amazingly close on so many issues. “Childhood is for playing” she said, “not learning everything”. I told her I couldn’t agree more.
I dropped MsV off, and met a few more of her family members. She gave me a hug and promised that we’d keep in touch. And, as I drove away, I felt really good about things. Do I think MsV will parent? Yes, I think there’s a chance, but more than that…I know she’d be a great parent to this baby as well. She has tons of support, a loving (if slightly scattered family), and lives in a generally nice community.
So, what’s next? Today I’m supposed to meet with MsV’s attorney. The attorney just wants to meet me, discuss her retainer, and give me a bit more information about what we can expect at the hospital (MsV’s requests). I’m not entirely sure that meeting is going to happen, as the attorney has court all morning and my flight leaves early this afternoon.
I’m going to try to connect with MsV again, but she’s pretty busy and I’m not sure if she has time.
Over the past few days, I’ve spoken with our attorney several times. She and MsV’s attorney have worked out several details on how this adoption (should it move forward) will be processed.
Overall, this will be a California adoption, however, all waiting periods and consent forms will be signed on State X’s schedule. It’s complex, but State X gives MsV more time after the baby is born before she can sign any consents. While that’s scary for us, it’s what is best for MsV…and that’s what this should be about.
On Friday, MsV has another doctor’s appointment. At that time, they will do an internal exam, and discuss a possible induction in a few weeks (MsV indicated she’d be interested in that). Once that happens, MsV and I will talk about when we should fly out for the birth…because she wants us there. Not in the room, but at the hospital.
And right now? I’m going to luxuriate in my hotel bed just a bit longer, maybe read a book, and then text MsV. I thank you all for your support and good wishes. Please send some love out to MsV. She could use a bit more of that (can’t we all??)!!