I’m struggling. Seriously struggling right now. I feel low. Really low. I know, this isn’t something you expect to see on this blog, but it’s the truth.
It started yesterday morning, and since then I have had a hard time controlling my anxiety and this feeling of sadness. And, of course, with the anxiety comes the feeling that I am dying from some mysterious disease…it’s just nuts.
What started it? Probably taking Grams to the doctor yesterday morning. Grams is not a happy person to be around these days. Her memory loop is increasingly short. Couple that with the constant questions about where Cadet’s real parents are…well, you get the picture.
By the time I dropped her back at home, I was already in a funk.
When I got home, I had blogs to read in my reader…all of them about the happy normal children most of you have. Then I glanced over to see the bill from Cadet’s school and I felt the weight of his needs wash over me.
I tried to do a little gardening to snap out of it, but it didn’t work.
I picked Cadet up from school, made some small talk with his teachers, and drove him home for his lunch/snack.
Oh yeah, and our kitchen sink wasn’t working properly. So I couldn’t use it until a plumber came out (good bye $125 dollars).
The day continued to spiral when I talked to MsJ for over 30 minutes. The pregnancy didn’t last and she had to get a DNC last week. She was so upset and I was upset for her. My heart broke for her.
She was going through a rough time before this…now she’s in an even darker place. There’s also some family issues which are not helping her situation.
I am a little better today. I’m trying to get things done, not spend time on the computer, and focus on the good stuff in my life. Ugghh, I can’t wait for the weekend.